—fakefattrusty —u/crode080 Generally, we try to get them to find a friend, join a community, get a job, or volunteer — something to provide them with self-worth and personal fulfillment outside of their spouse." —u/milksteaknjellybean —u/crode080 —u/ladyledylidy —u/NEM3S1S —u/Hyujikol You don’t have to be happy for therapy to work — but if you can’t even reminisce about the good times, then the good times are probably over." —u/TiredMold —u/threerottenbranches Other good ones to pay attention to are ‘cute things’ that violate a boundary. ‘Hey, I have my kids this weekend, so no in-person time, and I will only spend time on my phone after the kids go to bed at eight,’ and — guess what — the person ‘cutely’ surprises you with a coffee. I’d give this a one-time pass, ‘Thanks for the coffee, sorry I can’t have you in, I’m not ready for you to meet the kids, etc.’ The person’s response to being called out tells you so much." —u/jbuam What they’re doing is avoiding conversation about the issue by blowing it up into a bigger problem than it is, so they can make the other person respond to their feelings rather than dealing with their concerns." —u/PsychoPhilosopher —u/Mattrockj Attack the problem, not each other. People rarely have the exact same stance in a conflict, but they usually (in healthy relationships) have very similar core values. While two parents may disagree on how to parent a child (authoritarian vs. authoritative, for example), the core value of caring about their children and wanting them to succeed is often the same. By determining they are within the same realm of issue, two parents with different ideals can see themselves as allies in a conflict rather than enemies." —u/Shozo_Nishi It goes beyond curiosity or simply inquiring about practice. There is an incredulous and almost panicked tone to it. And sure enough — Every. Single. Time. — they turn out to be some variation of controlling, manipulative, abusive." —u/the_friar —u/NEM3S1S Without respect and trust, most relationships are doomed to struggle or fail. For the couples that I’ve worked with, I always assess whether or not trust and respect are present. And then, I build treatment goals around seeing if it’s possible to develop those qualities. If they are not willing or able, then, in most cases, those relationships are likely to end." —u/sparky32383 After, they each propose their solutions and identify where they made assumptions or where they got triggered and why. They then identify where they’re willing to compromise. Next, we create an actionable plan with deadlines, and we monitor the progress to see if the proposed solutions were effective. IMO, everything can go to shit, but once communication stagnates, you’re in real trouble. So, even if you’re arguing, you’re still doing okay — you just need to work on how you’re communicating." —u/BeDazzledBootyHolez —u/Mariske —hithisismyusernamethanks —u/sinofmercy —u/tiawyn —u/future_es_ms_malcolm —u/umperolike —u/[deleted] —u/Sungillee33 —u/theguyfromtheweb7 If you are concerned that a child is experiencing or may be in danger of abuse, you can call or text the National Child Abuse Hotline at 1-800-422-2253 (4.A.CHILD); service can be provided in over 140 languages.
